I Don't Have an Attitude Problem. You Do.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem — specifically, your perception that I'm grumpy, when I am in fact conducting a thorough and accurate assessment of you in real time. This bulldog isn't scowling. He's evaluating. There's a difference, and the difference is that one of them requires paperwork.

Review the evidence: you were late. You brought the wrong treats — again. You used the baby voice in public. You promised a walk and delivered a "later," which in bulldog law is perjury. The file is thick. The file has tabs.

And yet he's still here — still on the couch — which means the assessment, while damning, came with a recommendation for continued coexistence. That's practically a love letter. Case closed. The gavel is a paw. Appeals may be filed in the form of treats.