My cat doesn't have an attitude problem. I have a "leaving things on tables" problem, and he has made it his life's mission to correct me. Every shattered glass is a lesson. Every swept-off-the-counter paperweight is coursework. Tuition is expensive and strictly non-refundable.
The curriculum: phase one, he stares at the object — long, hard, unblinking. Phase two, one paw extends slowly, theatrically, until contact. Phase three, gravity does the rest while he holds direct eye contact with me. The message is unmistakable: this was preventable, and it was your fault.
I've tried everything. Museum putty. A stern conversation, during which he yawned so wide I saw his tonsils. Nothing works, because this isn't misbehavior — it's pedagogy. I catch myself scanning tabletops like a bomb technician now. I've been fully trained, and my trainer accepts payment in kibble and chin scratches.