Dust Off Your Broom, Ladies. It's Riding Season.

The Group Chat Has Plans

Dust 'em off, ladies — it's riding season. The brooms have been in storage all winter, and they're coming out polished, tuned, and absolutely ready to cause a scene. Check the group chat: it's already forty-seven messages deep, and the season hasn't even started. Someone has planned three hexes before breakfast. Someone else has strong opinions about broom wax. This is not a hobby. This is a lifestyle with a group chat.

Preparations are underway across the board. Hats: steamed. Capes: dramatic. Attitude: calibrated to "don't even" with a backup setting of "try me." The riding formation has been choreographed. The playlist is cursed in the best way. If you hear cackling on the wind, that's just the girls doing a practice run.

Summer Bodies Are Temporary

Let's address the elephant in the room: summer bodies. Every year, the same pressure — the diets, the gym memberships, the kale. Meanwhile the witches have figured out the real secret, which is that a dramatic silhouette on a broomstick at dusk flatters absolutely everyone. Aerodynamics doesn't care about your macros. The wind does all the work.

Summer bodies are temporary. They last one season and require constant maintenance. Witch energy is forever. It doesn't expire, it doesn't need meal prep, and it looks incredible in black — which, conveniently, is the whole wardrobe.

Witch Energy Is Forever

So here's to riding season: to the brooms, the hexes, the group chat chaos, and the unmatched confidence of women who have opted out of every expectation and into the sky. Dust off your broom. Calibrate your attitude. The season is short, the nights are long, and the cackling — the cackling is eternal.

New riders are welcome. Requirements: one broom, one attitude, and the ability to cackle on cue. All training is provided by the group chat, which never sleeps and never forgives a missed hex.

The Pre-Season Checklist

Riding season doesn't just happen — it's prepared for with military precision. The brooms get a full tune-up: bristle conditioning, handle waxing, a fresh coat of paint in this season's color (midnight with attitude). The pointy hats come out of storage and get steamed. The group chat, dormant since November, roars back to life with forty-seven unread messages, most of them just "IT'S TIME" in various fonts.

Then there's the wardrobe audit. Last year's cloak? Still iconic, but the sleeves could be dramatic-er. The boots need reheeling — you can't hex effectively in uncomfortable footwear, that's just science. And the attitude requires calibration: winter made everyone soft. By the first full moon of the season, every witch in the coven must be operating at peak sass. There will be drills.

The Group Chat Has Already Planned Three Hexes

Let's be honest about what "riding season" really means: it's group activity season. The brooms are transportation; the real vehicle is the group chat. Before breakfast on day one, three hexes have been planned, two curses have been workshopped, and someone's ex has been thoroughly discussed. Nothing has actually been cast yet — the planning is the point. Witches understand something the rest of us forget: the group chat IS the coven.

So dust 'em off, ladies. The season is short, the nights are long, and the group chat waits for no one. Summer bodies are temporary — a cruel, fleeting construct. But witch energy? Witch energy is forever, and it looks fantastic in a pointy hat.