Marriage is texting "we need to talk" and watching the panic hit in real time. Four words — we. need. to. talk. — bypass all rational thought and hit the panic center, which speed-runs every mistake you've made since 2019.
Here's the cruel part: the text never says what it's about. Is it serious? Is it the gutters? Is it — god forbid — feelings? He'll spend the next four hours in low-grade terror, doing dishes unprompted and laughing too hard at things that aren't jokes. Meanwhile she's forgotten she sent it. She's thinking about paint colors. It was always about paint colors.
The three most terrifying words in English — followed by the three most relieving: "about dinner plans." Nobody ever fully recovers; the soul takes a while to climb back down. The dishes are done, so everybody wins.
A modest proposal: replace "we need to talk" with "we need to talk (it's about dinner)." Save a marriage. Spare a soul.